Father, Into Thy Hands I Commend My Spirit


I wished I could let my spirit catch the winds of heaven
to briskly take me from selfishness into waiting hands
far away from temptations and the need for satisfaction
I prayed I could breach from ego’s center, to its liberty

Slowly, the fondness of those thousands of little things
that pull me here and there away from the one thing
are becoming lighter around my neck, stilled by your
single flawless suggestion; it is time for you, to just be

This commitment causes breathing to become apparent
and senses to reject the worldly desire to be controlled
Normal needs pass by, as nearly imperceptible touches
indistinguishable from what we think we know, arrive

This offer, the beginning, a choice to stay or go away
Trust asks, can I last the long while, or return to my ways
when desires lifted past humility into prides domain
Stubbornness must pass if I am to become transformed

Freed, it is not easy to move direction from something
towards something not for self-fulfillment but for other
I am blessed that you knew, that I needed to surrender
Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit

 


If you have had some form of luxurious time in your life it is very difficult to ever feel you can walk away from it to never desire it again. Harder still is to move away from the center of self to look to the needs of others. To even try to attempt this has been the greatest struggle of my life. Although I am surrounded by all kinds of examples, for me it is not humanly possible. I must constantly ask God for help. It seems like I am most often fed little crumbs which give me hope for the next crumb.

Then I had an experience where I got the whole loaf all at once. I had gone on a retreat and was quite shocked when a priest who was a monk seem to know me inside out. At that point, only a single sentence had passed in the conversation. As an entrepreneur, I had spent my whole working life thinking I was a man of action, a person that had to get stuff done.  In my later years as I journeyed deeper into my relationship with God, I had even adopted St. Therese of Avilar’s thought. I was to be one of Christ’s hands in this world she so beautifully presents in poetry.

Then this monk turned my world upside down, he said I must instead just be, essentially a 180 degree turn. I have come to conclude that I have to let God do most of the doing and my job was to allow myself to become present to the moments of his action. This became quite clear when I realized even Jesus said it out loud in his last words.

For further reflection: Spiritual Masters and Luke 23:46

imageTo Catch the Wind