One Step Closer

I had to fast for a procedure, a required cleansing
Of course within four hours the yield, a migraine
So in that regard I must admit I am a lightweight
Creation also threw into the mix a perfect storm

Black clouds swooped in a deluge of needed rain
And I could not take any medications for the pain
Concentration kept breaking but I had a weapon
A dear friend’s wife needed two tumors removed

I prayed and gave until I had nothing left to give
Finally my own moment arrived for anesthesia
But I had forgotten to remove my aging necklace
The kind nurse said what a nice handmade Rosary

So little was exposed, so I asked how she knew
She said proudly I am a Catholic, so leave it on
Shocking me, she read a previous written report
Jerry is an extremely pleasant man of fifty three

A glowing smile lit her face, from what she shared
She said, in all my years, such kind words are rare
Reality hit hard, I turned my head, the tear shed
This could not be said of me that many years ago

When anger and self-centeredness had ruled inside
In this moment, of human pain near its maximum
I knew I had arrived in the place intended for me
Peace came instantly, before the needle silenced

Awaking, the moment quickly came back to mind
I was one step closer to knowing a certain destiny
The thought, God’s beauty had touched two souls
Here on this planet, despite deep hunger and rain

 

A few days prior to a Colonoscopy, a U2 song titled “One Step Closer to Knowing” started haunting me.  The song is about Bono’s father losing his faith just before he died.  A friend of Bono’s tried to reassure him that his father was One Step Closer to Knowing if God was real or not.  I had been through a physical hell over the prior several months, having a number of false positive cancer tests. This routine Colonoscopy which had been previously scheduled was icing on the cake.  My faith had not wavered the entire time so I could not understand why this song was affecting me so much.

Unfortunately I get migraines from a variety of triggers but I have learned to manage them, for instance, by not letting myself get hungry. But dark clouds I cannot control, so obviously I was meant to be in pain. My friend’s wife needed an infinitely more important procedure the same day as mine. Despite my own condition, I pushed through it by praying constantly for him and her. The nurse preparing me in final moments before the procedure could not help herself by cheating on the rules, telling me that I should leave my Rosary on.  Then, no doubt for each of our benefits, she physically glowed reading the patient report. In that instant, God presented beauty as I had never witnessed before. I knew that I was one step closer to knowing.