Sheet of Rain

I woke up with a headache on a bright and sunny day
It normally takes black clouds to wake up this way
but that was not struck me to the center of my being
God had chosen this perfect morning to not be seen

Here I was on vacation on the beautiful coast of Maine
full of love and life,  yet deeply felt two kinds of pain
Headaches I can cure with aspirins under my control
but God alone decides the times not to touch our soul

Dawn had broken so I left to walk the coves outline
Silently, I prayed others might enjoy Christ’s vine
Thoughts of fewer free willed desires were left to be
I sensed the rising tide was not the message for me

My loop took me to face a locked Catholic Church
Again I knew God wanted me to continue the search
I gazed into a harbor full of anchored pleasure boats
but pleasure did not find its way to inside His moat

My journey took me to an oak lined street on the bay
A gentle breeze meant listen for what God had to say
It always surprises me to know the moment is here
when Christ, Spirit and Father are approaching near

I stood in silence waiting patiently for the connection
The breeze picked up as I faced the full morning sun
Then a gust hit head on, shaking the massive trees
A sheet of rain fell that had collected in the leaves

Here I was in complete sunshine yet soaking wet
God laughed out loud saying I’ll teach you yet
I realized in that moment I must pray for myself
as what good am I if I am empty of His wealth

I continued my journey and watched an artist paint
God’s own brush strokes calling us all to be saints
Love, as Paul says is the greatest gift we can achieve
Today this gift reigned down on me from the leaves

I have developed an awareness of the Trinity in my life. Quite often a deep sense of abandonment sets in when all of a sudden that sensation is just not there.  It is exceptionally difficult when it happens upon awakening and further disconcerting if something else is also wrong.  The double whammy really throws me a curve ball.  It is one thing if this happens in a normal day as I just go on with my routines until the feeling of abandonment goes away on Gods time.  It is another when I am in a perfect time and place such as a vacation.  The first thought I had was to go out searching for God as He was out there someplace.  About an hour into my walk I simply stopped to feel this wonderful crisp refreshing breeze coming directly at me as I stood staring into a bay. 

I didn’t even realize in the moment I had stopped directly under two massive oak trees.  All of a sudden a gust of wind hit and the trees dumped the entire contents of rain they had collected from a storm the night before.  It was over in seconds and I was soaking wet.  I could just imagine God laughing His brains out over this.  But the message was quite clear.  This micro scene could not have been more specifically for me.  I walked about 100 yards to a large rock to let the morning sun dry me out while I prayed to God for my own benefit.  It seemed to me that I often forget that in my own humanity I need to simply connect with God. I continued my journey to watch the sweeping strokes of a painter put the background of a harbor on his canvas.  It was so easy to imagine this was also a lesson, that God offers His brush to paint my own background and I get to choose how or even if I am going to finish the details. 

For further reflection: Matthew 7