Sunspots

The solar flare must have been aimed my way
As every thought of future life changed that day
What was once bright now dulled in my sight
Yet I felt it must still be there in glorious might

Ended, I could no longer look directly at the sun
All I had were memories, sunspots now illusion
I had prayed the storm would pass at its apogee
But it came and went passing by in its perigee

Weeks went slowly by, sphere remained hidden
Eclipsed for reasons I did not seem to apprehend
I could not deny I wanted back what I had seen
Frustration burst outward from my every seam

Trading what I did not own, led to hopelessness
Now I see that giving up was the right acceptance
Darkness cycles through, just a temporary reality
Time to return to the humanness of my humanity

Prayer returned to proper shear simplicity of love
Strange journeys past, dreams given from above
The black hole led me gracefully to the other side
To a new place, a new spot where I cannot hide

 

Truly accepting the ups and downs of a faith journey is not easy.  There are periods of ultimate joy when it seems I can just reach out and touch God.  Then there are times God seems to disappear behind the scenes. I know He is like a dad watching from the sidelines.  I just can’t pick him out in the crowd.  Then there are the brutal times, the times when there is no God and the only thing that tells me there is a God is the rawness of where I have come from – true and deep faith. It is these times that I have made the hardest choices in my life.

So many times I could have walked away and saying I did my best, so many times I thought my journey had ended.  Somehow I have hung tough, somehow my faith sustained me through these trials where all I seemed to have was my humanity and perhaps lessons I had learned.  Dark nights of the spirit can last minutes but as I now know from Blessed Mother Theresa they can also last a lifetime.   Perhaps this is exactly what God wants me to experience, a true test of faith, a test of trust to build on all I have learned and like Christ to love my neighbor.

For further reflection: 1 Peter 1